the boyfriend & I, <3
why are we so cute? (;
May 4, 2013
Day 6: Something you would like to change about yourself
Hmm, something that I would like to change about myself? I think I’d probably change my insecurity. Or my jealousy issues. Or the fact that I get mad WAY too easily and blow things out of proportion. My insecurity because I’m always doubting myself and putting myself down. Even though I have a boyfriend who is constantly telling me that I shouldn’t be like that. I know that I shouldn’t be like that, but I always feel like I’m not good enough in some aspect, and I’m just really hard on myself sometimes. I get really insecure around people, especially people I don’t know, and it just bothers me, lol. My jealousy because it sometimes causes problems with me and my boyfriend (a lot sometimes it seems) because I get too jealous (my insecurity plays a part in this too). I guess it just makes me seem clingy, demanding, and controlling at times, even though that’s really not the case. I guess deep down it has a lot to do with the fact that I’m scared that my boyfriend is going to one day think that I’m not good enough for him, or that he’ll see / meet someone else and be like, ” I wanna be with her instead of Jess”. It’s stupid I know, because I’ve been with him for three years, but yeah.. My anger because I’m pretty quick tempered and stubborn. A lot of the time, I blow things way out of proportion, and it’s not always pretty. I get it from my grandpa, but I know that it’s a big reason why there’s been so many fights and differences between me and my boyfriend in the past.
Honestly though, I can’t really choose just one thing that I’d change about myself, but those would probably a few of the main things that come to mine, at least at this point in time.
so glad I have my boyfriend back, ♥
he’s the bestest friend in the entire world that I could ever have. I seriously don’t think that anyone could take his place, ever, no matter what. nor do I think I could ever be this comfortable and weird with anyone else. he loves every single little awkward, stubborn, flawed thing about me, and I love him for that (:
he’ the best.
April 29, 2013
Day 1: Hopes, dreams, and plans for the next 365 days with a picture of yourself.
In one year, I hope to be done with my fifth semester of college, and be well on my path to transferring to a four year university. Hopefully I have a steady job as well. Other than that, I plan on finally being out of my house and living with Alex (hopefully) now that he has a job, and focusing on our relationship and future. As for dreams, there’s really nothing that I can think of at the moment except for that I dream of going to the beach with Alex, 1) because I love it there and I want to go back SO bad, and 2) Alex has never been. I wanna be there with him his first time, ♥ Other than that, I just want things to be going good and to be happy this next year. I’m excited to see where things go.
ohh, & here’s the photo of myself (:
this past month has definitely been a rough month for us. being broken up for 3 weeks was one of the hardest things we’ve been through in the past 3 years. I really thought I was gonna lose him forever, but luckily everything fell back together this past week and a half. I don’t know what i’d do without this boy in my life, I really don’t. he means the absolute world to me, he’s perfect. he’s everything I want and need. my best friend, my soul mate. I love him more than anything in this world and i’m so glad we’re working things out, <3
things are starting to fall into place again..
.. and getting better than they were. so glad I have my boyfriend back, <3
i’m so fucked up right now.
I did a shit ton of Xanax, and i’m feeling great. though, as I was coming home.. I saw him. I mean, I understand he lives next door to me, so that makes the break up harder, but actually seeing him outside at almost 1 in the morning?
he looked at me.. and turned my direction like he was going to talk to me.. and for a moment, that’s all I wanted. I wanted to run up to him, kiss him, hug him, feel his body against mine, just one more time..
one more night. that’s all I want. one more night, where he’s mine and it doesn’t seem like we’re lost. one more night, to feel like things are okay with us again. like when we were in love. </3 I miss it so much already.. I can’t handle being alone..
i’m pretty sure i have to do this..
they say,
if you love something, let it go. if it comes back to you, it’s yours. if it doesn’t, it never was.
i’m thinking about taking a break with Alex.. I love him, so much it hurts, but I can’t keep doing this right now. he’ been doing stupid shit lately, and I don’t understand any of it. I can’t do anything without getting bitched at, or yelled at. he’s doing the BAD hardcore drugs, that I watched tear my family apart growing up and my cousin committed suicide over. he snaps at me over stupid shit, and thinks he can control what I do, etc, but when I say something to him, I get bitched at.. and it seems like, he doesn’t want to spend much time with me lately. like, he’s been distant..
I just don’t know what to do.
how do I deal with this situation?
