they say,
if you love something, let it go. if it comes back to you, it’s yours. if it doesn’t, it never was.

i’m thinking about taking a break with Alex.. I love him, so much it hurts, but I can’t keep doing this right now. he’ been doing stupid shit lately, and I don’t understand any of it. I can’t do anything without getting bitched at, or yelled at. he’s doing the BAD hardcore drugs, that I watched tear my family apart growing up and my cousin committed suicide over. he snaps at me over stupid shit, and thinks he can control what I do, etc, but when I say something to him, I get bitched at.. and it seems like, he doesn’t want to spend much time with me lately. like, he’s been distant..

I just don’t know what to do.
how do I deal with this situation?

i’m sosososoooooo stressed right now.

i need to finish my community service & take my MIP class. senioritis is hitting me, hard. Alex & i keep hitting rough patches lately. i realize i should of tried & cared more all through high school. i’ve been smoking alooot of pot lately & i’ve been wanting to get high all the time, just because i’m stressed and it takes my mind off reality. i have to make a college decision, asap, which ultimately willl change everything in a huge way, and it scares the hell out of me because i don’t want to lose Alex. and last but not least? my period is almost three weeks late. scared? fuck yes.

can tomorrow be another snow day, please? thanks.

i can honestly say, i have abso-fucking-lutely NO idea what i’m doing with my life after high school. i literally, have one semester left & no clue what i’m doing or where i’m going with my life. and lately this has been stressing me out. i used to know what i wanted to do, what everyone else wanted me to do. but now? i know it’s up to me, not them. it’s my decision, but one i’m so undecisive on. i mean, it’s the rest of my life i’m trying to determine the fate of. what if i choose the wrong life to live? what if i screw everything up, or i’m not happy with what i choose? or what if i fail? i’m so scared of failing, that it’s unreal. i have like two weeks to determine my college choice, but i dont know where to even begin making my decision. this is soooo fucking hard.