*note that i’m writing this because I have a lot on my mind tonight, and this has been one of things. it should further explain itself.
Honestly, there is so much I could say to you. Things that I’ve wanted to say to you for SO long, but I never did because I never knew how. I’m finally at that point in my life where I don’t long for our friendship anymore. I know that we dated and we really had feelings for each other at the time, but honestly.. we weren’t good together. We were better as friends. Sadly though, we’re not really friends anymore. That was proved when you went away to Basic training for the Marines, a few months before Alex and I got back together.
You being home these past two weeks and leaving Sunday to go back to Hawaii before Japan for the next two years, made me realize how much more you have going for you without me in your life. When I was in your life, you were still struggling to find your purpose in life, and battling with some extreme drug problems. When you moved, and when contact stopped things got better for you. You cleaned up your act, graduated high school, and joined the Marines. You couldn’t of done that if you would of stayed here to be with me. And even though at the time I wanted nothing more than for you to stay here, to be with me.. I’ve come to accept your decision.
Seeing you your first night back, I realized how proud of you I am deep down inside. I’m so proud of how far you came from when I met / dated you and you wound up in the hospital because you overdosed on drugs to being where you are at now. You have a lot going for you Jon, you really do. You can do anything you set your mind too, and I’m so glad you found that thing that helped you achieve that. You made some of the hardest decisions ever, but in the end it proved worth it. And for that, I believe your better off without me in your life.
I guess I just wanted to say that I’m proud of you, and I hope you realize that you really have affected my life in someway. But I also hope you realize that this is finally the last goodbye between us, I’ll be seeing you. And kick some Marine ass, (:
your “lovebucket” as you used to call me. <3
^^ this is me finally letting go of a part of my past; a part that needed to be let go for things between me and alex to get better, as well as my relationship with myself.