I can’t keep myself together. I need someone to talk to, but I don’t have anyone that bothers to listen to m.. i’m falling apart right now…

anyone, really. please talk to me?

well. without make-up i have the HUGEST dark circles under my eyes.

or maybe it’s due to the fact that lately i haven’t slept too much due to stress & worrying about Alex. either way.

i look like i’m on drugs… hardcore. lololol.

but not willingly.

it’s only because i can’t sleep, really.

oh, and because i’m stressed and i need to get some of it done so i can relax this weekend. that’s about it.

not really.

but he does piss me off.

alot.

idk, this week is just super stressful for me, especially since saturday is the day that my ‘dad’ died, and the fact that it will be two years this year kinda just makes it seem so surreal. i just get really emotional & stressed out, and thought he’d be there for me & understand more than he actually is. idk. it just kinda makes me mad, yanno?

i’ve been done with high school for 2 weeks now, and i’m already for college to start in the fall. i have my schedule & id, so now i’m just waiting. the summer is nice, but there’s so much going on right now. stress levels are definitely through the roof right now. graduation ceremony was Saturday, and i officially have my diploma. i officially did it, :)

… i take my college placement test tomorrow & sign up for my classes, so i’m hella nervous. it makes it seem so real, since i only have six days of high school left. 3 this week, and 3 next week. i’ve been waiting four years for this, and it’s finally here. fuck yeah. i also have finals starting this week, and have to start my community service next week before i go back to court in July for my review hearing. i also have to do my MIP class, and a shit ton of things before graduation. like, get a job & find an apartment. this is going to be a stressful next couple of weeks. -_-

… therefore i am going to sleep.

…. it’s been a while since i’ve been on tumblr, a couple weeks? bleh, i feel like senior year is completely draining me with stress & exhaustion. plus, i hit a really low, rocky patch in life about 2 weeks ago or so. it was really bad, lol. buut i’m back now, :)

… and all at once? i wish it’d just stop, it’s stressing me the hell out, lol.

… in all honesty, life totally sucks for me right now. i’m so stressed the fuck out, all i want to do is start cutting again. i want to smoke pot, to take my mind off of everything. i don’t fucking know. i’m tired of being this fucking stressed out. i want my boyfriend out of jail, so i’m not stressed this bad. so i’m not crying myself to sleep every night, and staying up for hours, only getting one or two hours of sleep when i do fall asleep. i want to be able to eat, and go on with a normal day. i miss the fuck out of him. i’m scared of losing him, if i don’t get out of there soon, and there’s legit reason for it.. i just wish i had someway to get the money to get him out of there, :( i don’t fucking know anymore. i’m literally on the verge of an emotional breakdown.

… seriously, i just want to get high.

… with the fact that i was almost 2 months pregnant, & miscarried before i could even find out that i was pregnant for sure or not. granite i found out a few days ago, but still.. i don’t really know how to react or to feel about it.. it’s stressful & just, aldjadjfadlakjdf;lad.

… to shitty news. especially when it’s going to add 1000 times more stress on to the stress i already have, :(

i’m sosososoooooo stressed right now.

i need to finish my community service & take my MIP class. senioritis is hitting me, hard. Alex & i keep hitting rough patches lately. i realize i should of tried & cared more all through high school. i’ve been smoking alooot of pot lately & i’ve been wanting to get high all the time, just because i’m stressed and it takes my mind off reality. i have to make a college decision, asap, which ultimately willl change everything in a huge way, and it scares the hell out of me because i don’t want to lose Alex. and last but not least? my period is almost three weeks late. scared? fuck yes.

can tomorrow be another snow day, please? thanks.